Resolving
How to parent post-pandemic when it’s the only way you’ve known…
When my son was born the same week of the COVID-19 Pandemic shutdown, I thought like many, it would all be over in a few weeks. Now, almost three years later, I finally feel as though the constant state of uncertainty I’ve been occupying has started to lift.
As everyone else “returns to normal” some days, I am surprised to wake up and remember that I am now a mom, as if my baby-soon-to-be-little-boy somehow appeared out of thin air.
For Pandemic Parents there is no “back to normal” because our lives have fundamentally changed.
Friends of mine who had babies after me have started to grow their families even more, yet I still feel as though the fog has barely lifted.
In fairness to myself, having a baby was not the only major life event I experienced in the last three years. Like many moms in the US, I tackled somewhat of an identity crisis when it came to my work/life balance and can be counted among the nearly 2 million women who left the workforce (and among the estimated 1 million or more who have returned) since the pandemic started. Additionally, both my husband and I have parents dealing with health problems and struggle to find enough time to spend with them.
With a new job, changing daycares, and a growing list of new activities to schedule every week for my kiddo, in order to keep up with what “back-to-normal” is supposed to look like, I forget sometimes that there was no “normal” family life for us before the pandemic. There was only blissfully kid-free married life with all the travel, good food, and money we could enjoy!
Before March 2020, we didn’t go to soccer practice, or swim lessons, or story hour at the library because we didn’t have kids!
To be clear, I love being a mom, and I love my son more than anything! At the same time, while everyone else seems to be enjoying their old life again, those of us with well-sheltered toddlers who have known little more than home in their short lives, have to create our own NEW normal.
Sadly, what little maternity leave this country offers was spent in online support groups, virtual baby-and-me yoga classes, and near constant FaceTime calls with family and friends just to have someone to talk to while not leaving the house for weeks (except for the same walk around the neighborhood day-after-day).
In my personal opinion, there should be a new diagnosis for the postpartum condition experienced by pandemic parents. What I have is PPP - Postpartum Pandemic Parent - the kind of anxiety experienced by becoming a parent under the traumatic conditions of a global crisis.
While Postpartum Depression or Anxiety (PPD/PPA) are difficult, yet treatable responses to the trauma of childbirth, PPP is like waking up in a new dystopian reality, in which all access to the so-called “village” that it takes to raise a child, and was supposed to gather around us and share the wisdom of parenthood, is suddenly trapped in some kind of sci-fi metaverse, unable to reach us except through a 2D screen.
I recall one particularly challenging day when my mom came to visit from her home, about an hour away, but since we agreed she should not come inside, we sat on the front porch, masked and distanced, while I struggled to wrangle a squirmy two-month-old all while dishes and laundry piled up inside and the only thing I desperately wanted, but couldn’t have, was for her to hold the baby while I showered. And even though I didn’t know any different, all I could think was: It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
Our First Newborn Appointment
In many ways, we were so lucky to give birth when we did. At the same time, all “nonessential” medical care shut down immediately. With a difficult birth experience, followed by breastfeeding struggles and unexpected medical procedures, my postpartum mental healthcare became almost non-existent.
As 2023 rolls around, and my husband and I reflect on the year that has passed and discuss our resolutions for the future, I find myself at a crossroads. Given the simultaneous grief I carry by virtue of becoming a parent during the pandemic, along with the immense gratitude I feel for having a healthy, happy, thriving child, I wonder if it might be possible to revisit some of those lost moments and create something meaningful out of what could have been?
I also suspect there are other Post-Pandemic Parent’s (PPPs - yeah, I changed it) wondering the same thing.
So, to all you fellow PPPs out there, here is my resolution:
1. To reflect on and document the experiences of PPPs as we emerge from our Post-Pandemic fog.
2. To explore opportunities for connection and “village” making in the midst of processing the grief or other emotions that comes with being a PPP.
3. To create a space for those who are looking to find peace and balance for themselves while raising healthy, happy, and curious humans.
Postpartum Walk in the Woods
May 2020
If you are interested in joining me on this journey, I hope you will reach out or follow me here and on social media channels to get through the struggles together.
My hope is that I can bring humor, an attitude of gratitude, and a sense of meaning and purpose to this new reality we find ourselves exploring.
Looking forward to the future…
In peace,
